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| Cast: | |
| Narrator | The Announcer |
| Marie | The Queenly Heroine |
| Francis | Her Father |
| Louis the Sixteenth | Her Husband |
| Footman | The Servant |
| Sound Effects Tips | |
NARRATOR: (ENTHUSIASTICALLY) The Packard-Bell PhonOcord Players present: "Marie Antoinette" . . . or . . . "The First Shingle Bob".
SOUND: APPLAUSE
NARRATOR: As our story opens, we find the year is 1770, the place is Austria, and Marie Antoinette's father, Emperor Francis the First, is calling the little fifteen-year-old. Curtain!
SOUND: WINDOW SHADE GOING UP FAST
FRANCIS: (SINGING) Chloe . . . Chloe.
MARIE: Pahdon me, honey chile . . . you all is callin' the wrong gal.
FRANCIS: Whoopa . . . pardon me. (CALLING) Marie.. .oh, Marie. (SINGING) Marie the dawn is breaking.
SOUND: CRASH OF BREAKING GLASS
MARIE: (FADING IN) Yea, paPA . . . did you call?
FRANCIS: (FRIGHTENED), Eeee! Who pray might thee be?
MARIE: Why, paPA, I might be thine daughter, Marie . . . Marie Antoinette.
FRANCIS: (DISGUSTED) Then, my proud beauty, put your head back on. You don't lose it for three scenes yet.
MARIE: I THOUGHT I had a hard time brushing my teeth this morning.
FRANCIS: Well, put it on, daughter, and climb upon my knee.
SOUND: SQUWAK
FRANCIS: There. Now, Marie, I understand the French dauphin wants you for his wife.
MARIE: That's right, father.
FRANCIS: And what does his wife want with you?
MARIE: You don't understand father. He's asked me for my hand . . . but I told him he'd have to take all of me.
FRANCIS: Does he have money, daughter?
MARIE: Oh, yes, paPA . . . he has millions.
FRANCIS: (HESITATINGLY) Well then, daughter, remember your poor, old, decrepit father when you get married.
MARIE: Why, what do you mean, paPA?
FRANCIS: Well, frankly, I can use a few extra francs.
MARIE: Yes, paPA . . . after I get married I will give you francs with earnest.
SOUND: PULLING DOWN WINDOW SHADE . . . CRASH
NARRATOR: And so the curtain falls on Scene One. The next day the fifteen-yeer-old Marie Antoinette married the shy French dauphin and the years rolled blissfully by.
SOUND: DICE BEING THROWN ON TABLE
NARRATOR: The year is now 1774, and Marie Antoinette's husband is now king . . . king of all France. As our next scene opens, we find the king and queen sitting in the royal chambers . . . and, frankly, Marie didn't forget her father's francs. Curtain!
SOUND: WINDOW SHADE GOING UP. . . FOLLOWED BY SQUEAK OF ROCKING CHAIR
MARIE: Louis, I will need another million francs for my father.
LOUIS: (MUMBLING) The black jack goes on the red queen . . . then the red ten goes on the black jack.
MARIE: And another thing, Louis, I want that spare room on the corridor for some new furniture I just bought.
LOUIS: And the RED nine goes on the RED ten . . . after all I'm the king and who's to dispute the king?
MARIE: Yes, Louis, I was very fortunate to run into a set of furniture that goes back to Louis, the Eleventh. And, come to think of it, your throne goes back to Sears and Roebuck the fifteenth.
SOUND: DOOR OPEN. . . FADE IN HORSES HOOFS WITH FOLLOWING:
FOOTMAN: (FADING IN) Your highness . . . your highness.
MARIE: What is it, Gregory?
FOOTMAN: (EXCITED) Oh, your highness . . . an angry mob is without.
MARIE: Without what, Gregory?
FOOTMAN: Without bread, your highness,
MARIE: Well . . . let them eat cake. (LAUGHING) Did you hear what I said just then, Louis?
LOUIS: Yes, my dear, that's worth repeating.
NT.ARIE: And I think I mill, Louis. Yes, Gregory, if the people have no bread . . . let them eat cake. (VILLAINOUS LAUGH)
SOUND: WINDOW SHADE BEING DRAWN
NARRATOR: And so the curtain falls on Act One of the story of Marie Antoinette. (DRAMATICALLY) Will the people of Paris eat cake? Will Marie Antoinette's father be kept in francs Will King Louis succeed in his game of solitaire? Will Dick Tracy track down the murderer? (INDIFFERENTLY) Personally, folks, I've looked ahead and I already know that Marie Antoinette gets it in the neck. (CONFIDENTIALLY) However, if you'd like to know how Marie gets kicked out of her bed of clover, let's take a moment out and turn this record over.
Part Two
NARRATOR: (DRAMATICALLY) Act Two of "Marie Antoinette" . . . or . . . The First Shingle Bob".SOUND: APPLAUSE
NARRATOR: Thank you . . . and now, on with the show! Marie Antoinette, the extravagant queen who has spurned the voice of her people, grows older. The months pass-the years pass . . . and I would have passed if I had known you had a full house.
SOUND: HORSES HOOFS
NARRATOR: The year is now 1789 . . . panic, starvation and sickness ride rampant in Paris. Things are in an Eiffel mess.
SOUND: CRASH
NARRATOR: As the curtain goes up on the next scene, we find Marie Antoinette and King Louis the sixteenth, sitting in anticipation . . . or I meant to say: sitting in the queen's chambers. Curtain!
SOUND: WINDOW SHADE GOING UP
MARIE: Louis, I want you to make out another check for my paPA . . . frankly, he would like to have three million francs.
LOUIS: (MUMBLING) And the black five goes on the red six.
SOUND: DOOR OPEN
FOOTMAN: (OFF MIKE) Oh, your highness!
MARIE: Look here, Gregory, what do you mean bursting in here without giving a rap?
FOOTMAN: (OFF MIKE) Pardon me, your highness.
SOUND: DOOR CLOSE . . . FAST KNOCK ON DOOR . . . DOOR OPEN AND SLAM
LOUIS: Well . . . well . . . what is it this time, Gregory?
FOOTMAN: (FADING IN) Oh, your highness . . . your highness.
MARIE: Well, out with it, my good man.
FOOTMAN: (PANTING) Oh, your highness . . . puff . . . puff . . . the people are revolting.
MARIE: They certainly are, aren't they?
FOOTMAN: But, your highness, the people have taken up arms . . . they are keeping their powder dry . . . and I don't mean powder that comes off with a puff, but powder that goes off with a bang! Even now they approacheth the palace. The revolution, she is here!
MARIE: (EXCITED) Hurry, Louis . . . we must flee . . . we must flee on your horse!
LOUIS: Never! Just think of the headlines . . . fleas on King's horse.
MARIE: (EXCITED) Never mind that . . . we must be off!
LOUIS: Yes, we must be . . . or we wouldn't be here.
FOOTMAN: Leave us away.
MARIE: Yes, leave us.
SOUND: DOOR OPEN . . . SLIDE WHISTLE . . . DOOR SLAM
NARRATOR: And they did flee Paris.
SOUND: HORSES HOOFS
NARRATOR: However, they were captured and brought back to the capital. Louis the Sixteenth, was executed at once.
SOUND: SHOT . . . SIREN WHISTLE . . . GROAN . . . BODY FALL
NARRATOR: And Marie Antoinette was tried for treason and found wanting . . . er, guilty.
SOUND: WINDOW SHADE BEING DRAWN
NARRATOR: And so the curtain falls . . . along with the guillotine . . . on Marie Antoinette.
SOUND: APPLAUSE
NARRATOR: The cast included . . . (GIVE NAMES).
THE END