|Narrator||Pierre, The Head Waiter|
|George, The Waiter||Charlie Johnson|
|Mabel Johnson, His Wife||Cigarette Girl|
|Sound Effects Tips|
NARRATOR: The Packard-Bell PhonOcord Players present "Hospitality House", a tragedy in one act.
MUSIC: UP AND FADE FOR . . .
NARRATOR: The scene of our play tonight is that glamorous night club, "Hospitality House", rendezvous of the celebrities and hiding place of business men on their nights out. There's a convention in town and the club is packed to capacity.
SOUND: MURMURING OF CROWD. GLASSES AND BOTTLES CLINKING . . . HOLD IN B.G.
PIERRE: I am so sorry, sir, but there isn't a table left in the house. Reservations, you know.
CHARLIE: Yes, I know, but I'm Charlie Johnson-surely you can find s table for me and the little lady here. Perhaps this five-spot will help.
PIERRE: So sorry, Mr. Johnson, but there isn't . . .
CHARLIE: Here' s a ten. Now can you find a table?
PIERRE: Well . . . there's a tiny table at the back . . .
CHARLIE: I want a wood table. Maybe this twenty will refresh your memory.
PIERRE: I just remembered. There's a table down front I was holding for the manager, but he won't mind. George! Show this gentleman table 221.
GEORGE: O.K., boss.
SUE ELLEN: Thank you so much. Yo'all are so kind.
CHARLIE: (ASIDE) He should thank me for that twenty bucks!
SUE ELLEN: Oh sugar, what's twenty dollars to you?
GEORGE: Here's your table, boss.
CHARLIE: It's right behind a post! And I paid twenty bucks for that?
GEORGE: You didn't pay me nuthin', boss-yet.
MUSIC: UP AND HOLD IN B.G.
SUE ELLEN: Come on, sugar, let's dance.
CHARLIE: All right. Waiter, order the regular dinner for two.
GEORGE: Regular dinner?
CHARLIE: (IMPATIENTLY) Yes, yes, the regular dinner. With all the trimmings . . . and champagne:
GEORGE: O.K., boss, but you'll be sorry!
SUE ELLEN: Come on, honey, here's the dance floor.
CHARLIE: You sure are a good dancer, baby.
SUE ELLEN: (UNENTHUIASTICALLY) Yo'all are kind to say so. But my foot hurts all of a sudden--let's go back to our table.
CHARLIE: All right-the dinner is being served anyhow.
SOUND: RATTLING OF DISHES, POPPING OF CORK.
CHARLIE: This dinner looks like something they dug up from the sewer :
CIG. GIRL: (OFF MIKE) Cigars, cigarettes, Cigars, cigarettes . . . Cigars, sir?
CHARLIE: I don't smoke.
SUE ELLEN: I could use some cigarettes, honey.
CHARLIE: (GRUDGINGLY) All right. Give the lady a package of cigarettes.
CIG. GIRL: That will be 75 cents, sir, and now would you like to have your picture taken?
CHARLIE: 75 cents? That's highway robbery: And I don't want to have my picture taken.
SUE ELLEN: Oh, sugar, let's do. Don't you want a picture of your little sugar-plum?
CHARLIE: Oh, all right. Go ahead,
CIG. GIRL: Now just hold that pose. Smile pretty:
SOUND: CLICKING OF CAMERA.
CIG. GIRL: All finished. That will be $35.00-in advance please.
CHARLIE: $35.00: Good heavens, girl, I could have a whole movie shot for less than that.
CIG. GIRL: Sorry, sir, but that's our regular price.
CHARLIE: Incidentally, what time does the floor show go on?
CIG. GIRL: Not for two hours, sir.
CHARLIE: Two hours! By that time you' d have to carry me away to the poor house. Tell the waiter to bring the check. We're leaving.
SUE ELLEN: (DISAPPOINTED) Oh, sugar, and I was having such a good time.
PIERRE: (OFF MIKE) Mr. Johnson's table is right there, madam-by that post.
MABEL: (OFF MIKE) Thanks. So this is your out-of-town client, Charles Johnson! I thought I'd find you here!
CHARLIE: (STAMMERING) Why, Mabel, dear, what are you doing here? This is Miss-er . . .
MABEL: Never mind the introductions. Did you think I was going to stay home alone?
WAITER: Here is your check, boss.
CHARLIE: $208.18! That's ridiculous: I don't have that much money on me. You'll have to take a check.
WAITER: They only takes cash here, boss. I'll get Pierre.
MABEL: Serves you right: Trying to act like a big shot in a place like this. You ought to know better at your age.
PIERRE: Mr. Johnson, I am deeply grieved at the story George just told me. We don't accept checks, and if you don't have the cash . . .
CHARLIE: My credit is good anywhere. Just call the bank . . .
PIERRE: I'm sure you realize that no bank would be open at this hour. The only thing we can do in cases like this is . . .
CHARLIE: Wash dishes, I suppose.
PIERRE: Exactly, Mr. Johnson. We have a capacity crowd tonight and a shortage of help, and . . .
MABEL: (LAUGHING) That's wonderful, Pierre. Maybe that will teach the old duck a lesson.
CHARLIE: Now, Mabel, honey-surely you have some money with you.
MABEL: Not on your life. I'm going to have a good time tonight. Your little friend and I can go in the bar-we'll have a good time,
SUE ELLEN: Why, Mrs. Johnson, I think that's right nice of yo'all to invite me along.
MABEL: Think nothing of it, kid. With your looks we should be able to do all right. (LAUGHS).
SOUND: CUT ALL BACKGROUND SOUND.
NARRATOR: The scene now changes to the kitchen, where we find Charlie and George working side by side.
SOUND: DISHES RATTLING, STEAM ESCAPING.
CHARLIE: I thought you were a waiter.
GEORGE: I was just promoted for tonight, boss. This is my usual job -and I sort of like it.
SOUND: CLOCK STRIKING THREE.
CHARLIE: 3 o' clock! Just 7 more hours until the banks open and I can get some money to get out of here.
GEORGE: Before you go, boss, don't forget I was your waiter tonight. People usually . . .
CHARLIE: Yes, I know. You want a tip too,
SOUND: DOOR OPENING.
MABEL: Having a good time, dear?
CHARLIE: Having a wonderful time. Wish you were here. Hospitality House-nuts!
SOUND: DISHES CRASHING.
MUSIC: UP TO CONCLUSION.